A colleague of mine recently posted about an experience he had with making snap judgements – his own, and one made about him. It reminded me how common these moments are, and how profoundly they can shape us. It got me thinking though, that this is something that happens all the time – to everyone. Some of them won’t have a lasting impression, while others will have a more profound impact. I wanted to share some of my own experiences with snap judgements that people have made about me and how they’ve shaped me and my career.
Where it all began
It was 2007 – I was 18, studying my first ever course at college. I was also the only female in the class. So in a sea of young men vying to stand out — I already did. I was never fazed by standing out — in fact, it’s always been something I’ve prided myself on. Even from an early age, I loved being different. Sometimes it was playful, like wearing a jellybean skirt and being dubbed the ‘jellybean princess’ in preschool. Other times it meant defying expectations in bigger ways — like when I wanted to arrive at my high school formal in a donkey and cart. But being different also attracted judgement.
While at college I was invited to teach the class on a program I was passionate about. The teacher openly shared that I knew more than him — only for the oldest male student to physically turn his back, refusing to learn from me while I spoke.
The Journey Continued
In my early career, I received disparaging glances and dismissive comments from a male student because I couldn’t possibly help him with his computer issue. He demanded he talk to someone else (I was the interim head of the escalated student support division at my university at 21.) So I had to find and interrupt an uber-masculine colleague and bring them to the student, for my colleague to repeat the exact same thing I had just told the student. But of course it was accepted straight away, because it came from him.
I’ve been looked up and down when leading recruitment interviews for my own department with men 20 or 30 years my senior. Only for them to realise, once seated in the interview room, that I wasn’t admin support sent to fetch them — I was the manager they would be reporting to.
And it wasn’t just men. I’ve also had older women degrade me for daring to make suggestions that were well within my role. How could I possibly know what I’m talking about because I’m 30 years their junior and happy at my job (which seemingly equates to young and ditsy for them).
The Impact
While these moments were difficult, and I am saddened that they happened at all, they did help shape me. They drove me to prove them wrong, established my grounding in empathy, and gave me a deeper commitment to creating spaces where everyone is respected and heard. I will be the first in any meeting to ensure everyone has the chance to contribute and to create an environment of support for anyone at any age, at any stage in their career. Leading with empathy over judgement will always be my go-to choice.
The Take Away
I want to end with the old adage – don’t judge a book by it’s cover. That book is a culmination of life’s events – do you really want your part in its narrative to be the fact that you judged before you knew? Make it one of encouragement, not dismissal.
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